EXCLUSIVE: Ava DuVernay to Direct Next Star Wars Spin-Off Movie

The determined face of someone born to kick limp-dick thin-skinned bigots in their baby-maker

Over the past year we’ve been in secret discussions on StarWars.com’s public Discord voice channel –using our real names as usernames- with deep undercover sources, working right next to Pablo Hidalgo’s office at Lucasfilm, about the next Star Wars stand-alone film. And while we know everything about it, we can’t talk about it yet because Tom is getting promoted and doesn’t want anyone to know he’s been leaking, but once he’s out of that office, we can spill everything including who is cheating on whom and who Kathie has an Internet crush on (spoiler: it’s Johnny Grasso).

What our sources are telling us is that the director of the next Star Wars spin-off has been chosen and hold onto your Ewok skullcaps… it is… drum roll… Ava DuVernay! And if that’s a shock to you, then you’re unlike every person on the Internet who only reads the headline and doesn’t bother with the article, then runs around all day spreading misinformation because nothing in the headline represents what is in the article.

Except this time it does.

But usually it doesn’t.

Anyway, so what film will she be directing? Our sources won’t let us say but it could be the reported Kenobi triple-trilogy (we stand by this source 101%), or a Bounty Hunters movie David Benioff is reportedly maybe writing (with 101% confidence), or an Ahsoka movie, or… you know what? Let’s start that rumor!

Ava DuVernay to direct the Ahsoka stand-alone movie!

We stand by our sources. Even though that’s kind of sexist… what, only hire women to direct movies with women as leads? Scratch that rumor.

Ava DuVernay to direct the Bounty Hunters stand-alone titled “Jedi Hunters.”

Better. Go forth, spread this to the world. We stand by our sources.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s