Crait Battle Revealed!

While we were at Star Wars Celebration in Orlando, Florida, USA, we met with one of our sources at a local Hooters, a classy restaurant for gentlemen with good taste for women with hot tans; a bunch of cheesy tattoos they will regret in 20 years; too-red dyed hair; unusually large eyelashes; over-use of “like” in every sentence; and needlessly hostile attitudes they think makes people love them. This secret source, a white male who is just over 6 feet tall, around 29 years of age, and has a cute little dimple one one side but not the other, an unusual feature that would make anyone notice them from a mile away, told us that the Crait battle in “The Last Jedi” involves huge AT-AT looking First Order walkers fighting gem collectors who pick up material from the surface of Crait and use it to attack the walkers. The source called these walkers “Gorilla walkers” because they have thick legs. When we asked him to tell us more, he told us he needed Internet access so he could pull up some unknown secret private info leak site he referred to as MSW. We don’t know what MSW could be but we’re highly intrigued. Stay tuned for more info!

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